Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Good for another year

Last week I hauled my bootie in for my annual GYN exam.

For me, going to the gynecologist rivals the joys in life I treasure such as root canal and unmedicated child birth. But I still trudge in year after year to do my womanly duties. And even in the face of everything that I handle on any given day, from juggling job and kids, to changing the world, I still get intimidated by a simple visit to the gynecologist.

Tell me that you didn't, at your last visit, follow the same pre-exam visit rituals that I engaged in. Buffing and shining every possible inch of your body that may be seen by the doctor. Okay maybe not buff and shine. We'll save that for the car. But, you know it's true.

The culmination of all of the waiting and worrying happened when I was told "to take everything off and tie the gown in the front...". Standing in the exam room, alone I began to undress. This is the part where I always hide my bra and underwear inside of my clothes. Whether it be tucked and folded up nicely underneath the pile of discarded clothes, or balled up. Why? Why do I do this? I am, for all intents and purposes, talking about a person who has been elbow deep in my hoo-ha. And yet I do this every stinkn' time. Why?

When all was said and done, the whole shabang took only a few minutes and it is now a distant memory until next year. I'm safe. I am all shiny and new. I can now pull my underwear out of my pant leg and go home. And while no one (including me) enjoys the spectulum, if your anything like me, you realize that it hurts alot less childbirth.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

For my yoga friends.

Hey Jenne and Dana. Some new poses for you to try :)

Downward Facing jowls: a morning asana

Worrier Pose: knit brow, tense jaw, shake head, beat chest, spit over shoulder--simultaneously.

Childish Pose: hands on hips, jutted lower-lip, eye-roll.

Oh-Joy Breathing: heavy sighs alternating with atonal "I'm irritated" humming.

Oy-Vey Breathing: Same as above, but shake head and tsk/cluck instead of hum.

Straw That Broke The Camel's Backend: curl up in fetal position and alternate laughing and crying hysterically.

Son Salutation: Turn on PBS kids, high five, and proceed directly to (see below)

Chattarunga: phone a friend

Mountain Pose: stand next to the laundry hamper.

Happy Mommy Pose: put the pillow over your head and go back to sleep.

Bridge Pose: invite a few blue-haired buddies over from the day center and gather around the card table.

Plank: Breastfeed three children. Ween. Look at your profile in the mirror.

Inversion: twist someones words (this is a good couples pose)

And finally a resting pose...shi=vanssana (aka QUIET. I'm in the BATHROOM)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The bed is crowded

Besides hubby, I used to take a book to bed with me every night. For the past little while I have been taking my laptop.

I love using that time to check my e-mail, catch up on friends and families blogs, order new kitchen knobs on e-bay and check up on pop culture on TMZ and People.

I am having a hard time finding the motivation to go to bed on time. Last night I was online until 1:30 am. And that is not the first time.

So I am constantly in a sleep-deprived state which isn't fair to those around me.

Hubby is not very sympathetic to my whining about needing a nap every day at 2:00 pm.

Today he said that the bedroom is NOT my office and that he is officialy kicking my laptop out of bed. He was also kind enough to reminded me that the bedroom is only supposed to be used for two things. Sleep and that other thing.

"Bring it on." I say

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dinners at six. Wear something nice.

I just want to share something with you all.

We have not eaten out at a restaurant since Friday, January 30th. That is a heck of a long time! At least for us.

Hubby has been out to lunch a handful of times, but for the most part, he has been getting his nourishment from moi. We have even been brown bagging it for lunch. I am really quite proud of myself.

Though, I am wondering how long this can last. I had a dream about Taco Time last night. Now I can't quit thinking about a soft meat burrito. And mexi fries.

Monday, March 16, 2009

It's okay to say No

Neal Maxwell had a quote framed on his wall to help him overcome "people fatigue." It read:

"My life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds."

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I really wouldn't.

Yeah! The sun is showing it's face today. I am rooting for spring. By which I mean, if we have one more snowstorm, I'm going to walk in front of a bus.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

ok, now it's official

My honey had a birthday this weekend. Another year older. And more handsome.

They say that age is just a number. And I really believed that for a long time. But I just found out it's not true.

Age isn't a number. It's a thing. And that thing is Grape Nuts.

We've been eating Grape Nuts every morning now for about a month, mixed with vanilla yogurt, and maybe some blueberries for the antioxidants.

And I'm starting to freak out a little bit. Because I really like them.

I know the old annoying joke is to say, roughly every 3 years of our lives, "Now I'm really getting old." When we turned 22, it was, "that's it...no more birthdays to look forward to. I'm officially old."

Then 25 came, and we said, "ok, that's it. My twenties are halfway over, I'm officially old."

The Then 28 rolled up, and we thought, "Crap, only two more years before my life is over. Man I'm old.

Then the big 3-0 creeped up on us. (Which wasn't really that bad, in retrospect).

But it turns out we weren't actually getting old at all. We were just growing up a bit. And there were certain milestones along the way to remind us that we were growing up.

We can't eat the things we used to, without getting a little heartburn.

We started stuffing toilet paper in our ears at loud concerts to protect our hearing. That's probably a good thing.

Our knees began to ache after excercise. Well, that stinks, but oh well.

But then, out of nowhere... BAM!!

Grape Nuts.

If you need us, we'll be on our motorized carts at the mall.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Glad that's off my chest.

I am trying to be more positive today. Being that it's Friday you would think that I would be in a good mood. I am not.

Some things that are bothering me lately.

Under (barbed) wire bras.
Getting gray hair and pimples at the same time. It's just wrong.
Not getting to eat sugar. It sounds like a small thing, but somehow it's not.
Insomnia.
Drama.
Political doom and gloom.
Cold weather.
Cold tiles on winter mornings.
False modesty.

Just to name a few.

Rainbows, I Tell You

I read an article titled: "Psychologists now know what makes people happy."

My favorite part of this article on happiness by Marilyn Elias:

"One of the happiest men I ever met was a 64-year old Chicago welder with a fourth-grade education," he says. The man took immense pride in his work, refusing a promotion to foreman that would have kept him from what he loved to do. He spent evenings looking at the rock garden he built, with sprinklers and floodlights set up to create rainbows."

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

There you go boys.

My family doesn't know about this blog. Knowing them, it will not interest them in the least. I'm still going to let them know about it because today this post is for them. Just a little unsolicited advice.... some reminders of things I'm sure they already know.

1. You can never overdress.

2. Stand up for the little guy. He'll remember you.

3. In monopoly, buy the orange properties.

4. A phone call to your grandparents is time well spent.

5. You are what you do, not what you say.

6. Men with facial hair have something to hide.

7. Don't flatten burgers on the grill. It squeezes out the juices.

8. Follow instructions. You'll be done in half the time.

9. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room. You'll be surprised how often in works.

10. Flossing is just as important as brushing.